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Tuesday, 14 August 2007

Thursday, 19 July 2007

  • Have you ever really really really disliked someone for no reason except that they embody everything you wish you were? Everyone loves them, and you know that deep down you should too... But you can't because being near them is just a constant reminder of everything that you're not?

    I suppose that I should get counseling for learning to love myself and having self-esteem issues and so forth. Screw that. Let's just murder the perfect people, shall we?

    And while we're at it, let's just screw social requirements as well, for example, weddings, parties, funerals, etc. I mean, do you really want to go? If so, then by all means go. If not, we should have a choice! But noooooo.... You HAVE to attend whether you like/hate/love/despise/wanttomurder the person. Or everyone will be offended.

    GET.
    OVER.
    IT.

    Okay I'm going to go take my medicine and see if I feel more normal in the morning.

Thursday, 12 July 2007

  • bring it on

    Today I had to make a big decision.

    Matt is coming to visit me soon-- I was hoping he could stay for a week b/c he is leaving for a training session that requires him to leave behind any means of communication. So no talking.

    I don't think we've gone a day without talking in the last 6 months.

    So anyway, he told me today that he has to have a physical... on the day he was supposed to drive up. He was only going to be able to stay two days in the first place, and now... one day? He has to have the physical before they let him actually go through his training to make sure he can take it (it's going to be a rough 10 days for him).

    My first reaction was like, "WHAT?! Like the whole fleet of doctors and nurses can't take him today? Or tomorrow? Or Monday? COME ON!"

    That was my emotional reaction. The reaction of, "NO! No this isn't fair and I don't like it and blah blah blah."

    Okay so twenty minutes later, I realized th at I was glad that he could still come at all. And I realized, that's the military. If I can't handle it, then I shouldn't be in this relationship. My plans are just little sketches of what might happen and probably won't, at least not exactly as I wanted. Can I handle this?

    First of all, it's not Matt's fault. Second of all, if I get mad, I hurt me, and I hurt Matt, because we can't do a thing about it. Third of all, he wasn't saying he couldn't come, just that he couldn't be here as long.

    Deep breath.

    Bring it on. It's going to take alot more than altered or even CANCELED plans to get me to leave this man's side. I'm in this for the long haul.



Thursday, 05 July 2007

  • being brave.

    be nice. wrote this for creative writing. please tell me what you think. unless it's mean. then don't say anything. unless you can say it nicely. CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. and no "it was wonderful" crap either, okay?

    the point of this paper was to hone my dialogue writing skills.

     

    THE BOUQUET

    Daniel shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. The long line of carts stretched out in front of him for what seemed like hundreds of feet. People were standing in line for last-minute Thanksgiving meal supplies. Why did everyone wait until the last possible time to shop?  Daniel wished he wasn’t there. His friends were having a party today, and he had been invited. But his mom had said no because they were going to visit his grandmother. She was in the hospital and she was lonely, his mother had explained. But that had not lessened his disappointment that he couldn’t hang out with his friends. He held the bouquet of daisies in one hand, dropped down by his side, hoping no one would notice, while he distracted himself with the many bags of assorted candies not far in front of him.

         Daniel had come to the end of what looked like the shortest line, with four loaded carts in front of him. A few minutes later, he was joined at the end of the line by an old man with coke-bottle glasses. He was almost Daniel’s height, which, at twelve, was just reaching five and half feet, and was almost completely bald, with age spots on his head. The old man smiled


    at him, displaying a toothy grin that was missing a few prominent teeth. Daniel smiled back.

         The gentleman spoke up. “Buying flowers for your girl?” he asked in a raspy voice.

          “What these?” Daniel glanced down at the bouquet.  “Naw, these are for my grandma. I don’t have a girlfriend,” he said with an embarrassed look. Daniel didn’t care much for girls. Or flowers, either.

          “Your gramma like daisies?” asked the old man.

         Daniel shrugged. “I guess she does. My mom just told me to come in and pick out something pretty.”

         “Well, my wife loved daisies. Women love flowers, you know.”

         Daniel nodded. The line moved up a few feet as one customer was handed their receipt. Turning back to the old man, Daniel noticed that his cart was filled to the brim with canned cat food and microwave dinners.

         “You must have a lot of cats,” he said.

         “Yes sirr-ee, sure do. Ten or nine, I think.” The old man scratched his head in contemplation. “Ten, I think it’s ten.” He nodded in satisfaction. “You got any animals, boy?”

         “Yeah, four dogs. Jazz, Jake, Annie, and Bobby.”
         “Well, I’d say it’s a good thing we’re not neighbors, or we’d have ourselves a problem or two.”

         “Or ten problems,” Daniel said, laughing.

         “My cats, they wander around, but they keep me company. That’s all a man asks for, sometimes. Specially round the holidays as such.”

         Daniel cocked his head. “Don’t you have family coming to see you?”
         “No sirr-ee, sure don’t.” The man sounded sad.

         “Don’t you have any kids or grandkids you could go eat with for Thanksgiving?” Daniel asked with a frown.

         “Mebbe, but I don’t think I’d be much welcome at their house. My son’s a rich-type lawyer, you see.”

         Daniel couldn’t imagine the old man not being welcome. He was so friendly, and he was nice to animals. What wasn’t there to like? He didn’t know what being a lawyer had to do with anything. What was so good about lawyers anyway?
         “Well, my dad’s a carpenter, but we still visit my grandma. She’s in the hospital right now. That’s why I’m buying these flowers.”

         “Hospital, eh? Well, that’s mighty nice of you to be buying her flowers and such. She’ll like that.”

         Daniel felt sorry for this nice old man. He didn’t have any kids or grandkids coming to visit him. He was going to spend his Thanksgiving with his ten cats, probably eating his microwave pasta. What kind of grandkid wouldn’t want to spend time with this man?
         Then Daniel realized that he had been that kind of grandkid. Ashamed, he held the daisies up to his nose. “You really think my grandma will like these flowers?”

         “Sure do. My wife loved ‘em,” said the old man, his toothy grin returning. Suddenly it was Daniel’s turn in line. As the cashier handed him his receipt, he turned one last time to the old man.

         “Tell your grandma that she’s a lucky lady to have such a nice grandson as you bring her flowers.”

         Daniel didn’t know what to say, so he just smiled at the old man and nodded. “Happy Thanksgiving, Mister.” And Daniel hurried to the car. He hoped his mom would approve of the flowers he picked out.  

     



Sunday, 01 July 2007

  • i love your son

    So tonight my boss was having hot flashes so bad she was pressing tissues to her forehead and they would stick there. I felt bad for her, but I was wearing a sweater while she was fanning herself.

    Around 8 or so I got so sleepy that I thought I was going to fall over in the middle of a phone call, so my boss got us both some coffee. They didn't have any flavored creamer, which lately has been a huge motivator for me to get up in the morning and go to work (the thought of Barnie's coffee with french vanilla creamer... yum....), so I decided to hunt some down. I mean, they have it in the morning, right? What, does it disappear during the night and magically reappear at sunrise??? Hardly! So I enlisted the help of 3 of my associates and wound up in the bowels of the banquets hallway digging through a plastic tub that had a few dozen of every flavored creamer except french vanilla. I found 3, eventually, and hurried back to my now-lukewarm styrofoam cup of coffee... Which, upon tasting, I discovered was absolutely disgusting. I wasted a whole indefinite period of time looking for creamer for a cup of day-old coffee that tasted like a dirty old shoe.

    The bellman asked me how my writing was coming. I told him I haven't written anything since I got home, really. Nothing except blogs, and they don't count.

    Why don't I write? Why am I so afraid of my own stories?

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